Take Off Your Colours
by DrainThisDisease
Summary: No matter how much he hated it, Phil knew Dan was forcing himself to change. Phil just didn't know that Dan was changing himself for Phil. Danisnotonfire & AmazingPhil fanfic.
1. Cold, empty mattresses and fallen stars

It was almost four o'clock in the morning when Phil hear the soft click of the door locking. Dan was never out this late, so that fact worried Phil. Another thing that had him worried was that other than Phil, Dan didn't have many other friends and the other friends he had he shared with Phil. Phil really didn't understand why Dan was now so interested in parties. When Phil would go out, Dan usually would reject any invitations to join him. Dan didn't particularly like the party scene Phil and his friends hung around. It was like they had switched places. Except Dan knew who Phil would hang around. Phil had no clue who Dan was with until the early hours of the morning. Every night, Dan would come home smelling faintly of sweat and alcohol. Phil had trouble getting to sleep before Dan had gotten home. Phil just didn't feel safe without Dan. Dan usually arrived home before three every time he went out. Tonight was different. Dan didn't leave any later than he usually did to go out. Maybe he just lost track of time. That was completely plausible Dan behavior. As Dan entered the house, Phil noticed something was different than usual. He didn't stumble in drunkenly, but instead his steps were quiet, just like those of a completely sober person. Phil rolled over in his bed, knowing that Dan would check up on him. No matter how drunk Dan was, he just had to know if Phil was home. It sounded stupid, but Dan just subconsciously did it.

"Are you awake?" Dan whispered from outside Phil's door. Phil stayed silent and Dan muttered something to himself. Phil then tried to actually fall asleep.

. . .

Dan couldn't sleep. The right side of his face throbbed with pain. It wasn't his fault he was such a gentleman to stick up for a woman. Dan despised violence, especially against women. He felt bad now, but he knew he would of felt even worse if he didn't save that poor girl. Dan always regreted going out the day after, but almost every night he would go to the exact same bar. He tried not to think of it as drinking away the pain, cause to him that wasn't what it was. It was more of him drinking so he didn't have to be himself for awhile. When sober, Dan's head was filled with thoughts he just didn't want to have. Tonight however, Dan only had one drink. He had restricted himself from having anymore. Dan realised that he was on the fine line between normality and alcoholism. That one drink had still had gotten him into a fight. He didn't know what had came over him. Dan just wanted to forget what happened and sleep. He rolled around in his sheets unable to be comfortable. In the end, Dan couldn't sleep. At around six, he had decided he had enough of this. Dan got up and went into the living room to play Skyrim.

. . .

Phil awoke to the sound of guns. He ran into the kitchen to see what was going on. It startled Phil when he saw Dan playing Skyrim at six-thirty in the morning.

"What the hell Dan? You never usually get," Before he said anything else he had a glimpse of Dan's face, "What happened to your face Dan?"

"I got into a fight. No big deal," Dan replied. Phil stared at him blankly.

"What happened to 'I'm not the violent type' Dan Howell?"

"I'm not sure Phil."

"What happened to 'I don't go out and party cause parties are weird' Dan Howell?"

"I never said that in my life," Dan mumbled. Phil rolled his eyes and went to make a cup of coffee. Dan saved his progress on Skyrim and switched the TV onto some cooking show. It wasn't Delia Smith, so he wasn't particularly interested. He instead got up to talk to Phil, "I'm sorry I've been going out so much Phil."

"It's okay," Phil replied coldly. A shiver went through Dan's spine. Phil looked genuinely disappointed, and just that fact upsetted Dan.

"I could stay home with you tonight," Dan suggested. A small smile appeared on Phil's face, "I would like that."

. . .


	2. Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

Dan knew he had pushed himself away from Phil. He had purposely done it, trying to protect Phil. Dan somehow convinced himself that he was a bad influence for Phil, which had forced him into a spiral of alcohol and parties, which Dan honestly just used as a distraction to keep him from hurting himself. On the other hand, Phil was hurting himself because of Dan's isolation. Phil didn't feel good enough for Dan's friendship, and blamed the reason for Dan's absence on himself. Along with this, Phil had started to develop some body image issues. The problems had always been there, but only recently have started to surface. Phil found his figure unacceptable, longing for an even smaller frame than he already had. He had been throwing up a lot of his meals or just avoiding food at all, as long as he didn't get any fatter. Except, Phil was already extremely skinny and it would be a serious health risk if his weight decreased anymore. Dan had been out almost all the time and usually too drunk to tell what was going on when he got home, so he hadn't realised anything was wrong at all.

. . .

"Do you want some popcorn Phil? I'm basically eating this massive bowl by myself," Dan offered the bowl to Phil but he just pushed it back.

"No thanks." Dan raised an eyebrow, "But you love popcorn?"

"Not tonight," Phil said coldly and stood up, "I want to go to bed. Goodnight." Dan was in utter shock about what just happened. Phil basically just passed up his opportunity to eat his favourite food while watching Doctor Who. Dan felt responsible for what just happened. He took it as Phil's way of saying Dan had blew all his chances. Dan knew in the back of his mind that he was probably overreacting and Phil just felt sick and went to bed, but it was overthrown by the darker thoughts. Once again Dan was all alone.

. . .

Phil couldn't help the temptation of food. He loved food of every kind, but he just couldn't eat it. To him, no good came from it. Phil always convinced himself it was like a drug, only doing his body harm. He always got himself out of situations including food, just so he didn't have the temptation in front of him. Phil knew he probably felt so rude towards Dan, but he'd apologize later, right now he wanted to sleep.

. . .

When Dan woke up he could sense something was wrong. He didn't know what exactly, but he frantically started to search around. The kitchen and living room were both silent. It was when Dan entered Phil's room where Dan started to panic. Phil wasn't there or in the other rooms. As Dan ran to the bathroom nothing could prepare him for what he saw next. He opened to door to Phil's motionless body sprawled across the tiles. Dan felt like a million bullets had just been shot through his heart.

. . .

**A/N: I am actually quite happy with the fic so far. I'm also very proud how fast I updated it. I'm just gonna mention now that I don't ship Phan couple wise, if they were fictional I probably would. I also don't own Dan & Phil, and in this fic they are used for purely fictional purposes. I'm thinking this fic will be between 10 - 20 chapters. I'm not exactly sure right now about length but I know what's going to happen. **

**Also this is based off a playlist on my iPod and that's how I got this idea. I have listened to this playlist non-stop for about a week now. So as long as I have interest in the playlist I should have interest in this fic. Okay, bye!**


	3. Open fire on my knees desires

**A/N: I keep updating this so fast. I'm so lame. Anyway, here is chapter three of Take Off Your Colours. I hope you enjoy.**

**_P.S. I have no knowledge of hospitals so this is probably really inaccurate_****.**

. . .

Phil woke up to the unfamiliar sight of a hospital ward. He had no knowledge of why he was there. Phil had never been in a hospital before, but the countless amounts of movies he had scene helped him recognize where he was. In his arm was an IV needle, pumping fluid into his veins. Phil couldn't look at the drip, it made him feel sick inside. A blonde lady in a nurses uniform walked in with a large, fake grin on her face, "Mr Lester I see you're awake."

"Yeah," Phil muttered as the nurse came close to examine the drip.

"You're already looking much better. I'll go get the doctor to ring your flatmate. Daniel was it?" Phil nodded and the nurse strutted out of the room. Phil looked around, and a glimpse of a hospital bracelet caught his eye. He lifted his wrist and examined the bracelet.

_Phillip Lester_

_25 yo_

_ANA_

The bracelet only had information Phil either already knew or didn't understand. Phil had no clue what Ana stood for. Anaconda maybe? Just as Phil attempted to work out the abbreviation, his was disrupted by someone at the door.

"Howdy," A familiar voice called. Phil looked up to see his best friend sit down next to him, holding a giant stuffed lion.

"How are you feeling?" Dan asked placing the lion on Phil's lap. Phil grabbed the lion and hugged it, "Completely confused. What the hell am I doing here?"

"Don't you remember anything that happened last night?"

"No. Should I?" Phil gently let go of the lion.

"Well, I should explain what happened then," Dan sighed.

"Yeah Dan. You should. And what does Ana stand for?"

"Okay. Last night I found you passed out on the floor, and I thought you were dead. I called an ambulance and it came and took you to the hospital and I guess resuscitated you, I don't know. All I know was that you almost died," Dan said, looking away from you.

"Why was I passed out on the floor?"

"I was getting to that. They put you on some medication and that made you hallucinate or something. You were in hysterics and they had to fed you through a tube and they gave you some heavy sleeping pills."

Phil nodded trying to take in what Dan was explaining.

"So why did I faint or whatever it was? And what does Ana stand for?"

"Phil, they also weighed you last night. They said you were extremely underweight and that you were malnourished. At first I definately didn't believe them when they told me. But then they showed me your torso. You shouldn't see your ribs that much, Phil."

At first, Phil didn't comprehend what Dan was saying. It took him awhile to understand what it was exactly.

"You mean that-"

"Phil, Ana means anorexic. They think your anorexic."

. . .

"I'm going to leave now. Dr Owens will be here to see you in a minute," The annoying nurse from before leaves the room again. Dan left Phil to grab some stuff from home and leave Phil alone for his counseling session. A doctor had came in earlier to confirm that Phil had an eating disorder and managed to book a counseling session later that day. Phil still hadn't comprehended what was going on. All he did was cut down on his food and go on a few diets, not throw up everything and stop eating altogether. Phil watched as a serious business looking lady with a sleek black ponytail walked in. Phil automatically disliked her.

"I suppose your Phillip, am I correct?"

"Yeah," Phil mumbled as the lady pulled a seat next to him.

"I'm Doctor Rhiannon Owens. Your therapist." Phil nodded awkwardly. Dr Owens made him feel uncomfortable.

"You're in here for anorexia I see," Dr Owens looked at Phil like she wanted an answer to a unsaid question.

"Do you know what anorexia is Phillip?"

"Can you stop calling me Phillip," Phil tried not to come out rude. Dr Owens shot Phil a glare and just straightened up her glasses.

"Sure, Phil," She practically snarled the reply, "We really aren't getting anywhere. Why don't I call it a day? I hate it when my clients are disobedient."

"I'm not a dog," Phil muttered. Dr Owens raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"I said could you please leave."

"You better hope you did," she snorted and shuffled out of the room. Phil never wanted to see her again.


	4. You're a regular decorated emergency

"You spent two minutes with this person and you already hate her. Phil, I am certain she isn't that bad."

"But she is," Phil moaned.

"Well this time it'll be different cause I'll be here with you," Dan tried to comfort Phil but it wasn't working. Phil was restless, both his new found illness and Dr Owens were the causes. He had only re-scheduled an appointment with her because Dan begged him to. Phil's parents had also flown down to see him, adding to his stress. His dad hadn't said much since arriving and Phil had came to the conclusion it was because he was embarrassed to have an anorexic son. Phil's mother on the other hand had been way too supportive. She had been by his side since arriving and even suggested that Phil came home for a clinic that dealt with eating disorders. Phil didn't particularly want to leave Dan alone, especially since he had started partying often.

"Phillip Lester, Dr Owens is ready for you now."

. . .

Dan didn't know why the name Dr Owens sounded so familiar. He was trying to put the name to a face but it wasn't succeeding. Phil was called and Dan trudged along behind him.

"Hello Phil," A female voice greeted as Phil walked in. Dan stared at the ground as he walked in.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Dr Owens chuckled. Dan's head shot up, "Oi!"

"Daniel Howell?" Dr Owens' eyes widened. Dan gaped in shock, "Rhiannon?" Phil raised an eyebrow but stayed silent, feeling like anything he said would make the new found tension worse.

"What are you doing here Daniel?"

"Phil's my best friend and roommate, he asked me to come with him." She nodded and smoothed her shirt, "Well, um... I guess you should sit so we can start." Dan slightly tipped his head and took a seat.

"Well this was unplanned," Dr Owens whispered to herself.

. . .

"Well that was awkward," Phil mumbled as he left the office with Dan and made his way back to his ward.

"I don't want you going back to her, Phil. She isn't a good person," Dan said.

"So you believe me now?" Phil's voice sounded slightly sarcastic.

"I never didn't believe you. I just wanted you to try it before you decided."

"So why don't you like her?" Phil asked as they entered his ward.

"It's a long story."

"I have time. I'm going nowhere," Phil faked a smile. Dan cringed knowing he couldn't lie to Phil, but he didn't feel comfortable enough to explain it to him.

"I just knew her from uni. I always heard rumours and shit about her. It's nothing," Dan quickly said and he sat beside Phil's bed.

"Okay," Phil replied, obviously not convinced. He hopped into his bed and sat up.

"I think I might go home. I don't feel well," Dan lied as he stood up.

"Dan, we're at a hospital. If you feel sick medical attention would be here in seconds."

"I have some stuff to do. I'll see you later then," Dan quickly scurried off.

. . .

"Fuck," Dan muttered as his fist smashed against the wall. His thoughts were ones wondering why Rhiannon Owens was now a psychiatrist. Dan remembered back to when he was a kid and Rhiannon's dreams were of becoming a world famous actress. That was over ten years ago and Rhiannon was now twenty-six. Somehow the fact that Rhiannon was back stressed Dan out. He felt angered.

"Fuck," Dan's hands hit the wall as he raised his voice, "Fuck this all." He slid down the wall and placed his head on his knees. Dan sobed heavily until a knock at the door interrupted him.

"Daniel? Are you okay?" A female voice asked. Dan had totally forgot that Phil's parents were staying at the apartment with him.

"Um, I'm fine Mrs Lester," Dan replied awkwardly.

"It doesn't sound that way."

"Well I am."

"Whatever you say, Daniel. Anyway, I'm going to go see Phil. Do you want to join me?"

"Not right now. But thanks anyway."

"Goodbye then." Mrs Lester left and Dan stood as soon as the front door locked. He made sure the house was empty and grabbed his phone, wallet and keys. All Dan really wanted to do was go for a drink.


	5. Darling, it's cold outside

Within a short time, Dan smelt strongly of whiskey. He hadn't even been out four hours and he was already drunk off of his mind. Dan's aim was complete in a way; all he wanted was to get rid of his thoughts of Phil and Rhiannon. He couldn't remember how many drinks he had drunk, but he did know it was a awful lot. He has caught a cab home and stumbled inside around nine. It wasn't very late, and if he was going to a party he wouldn't have left until an hour or so ago. But even in his drunk state, Dan was under extreme stress and depression was taking over him. He was in tears within ten minutes of getting home. He wasn't even sure why he was crying. Dan just sat rolled up in a ball on the balcony of the flat. The beeping of cars and far-away music drowned out Dan's drunken sobs.

"You okay?" A voice startled Dan. He quickly turned to face the person walking towards him. Dan had completely forgotten that he wasn't alone in the apartment.

"No," Dan mumbled.

"You don't sound okay, Howell."

"How would you know Mr Lester?" Dan's speech was still clear, without any slurring. Mr Lester took a seat on one of the chairs on the balcony.

"I know when someone's upset Daniel," He chuckled, "It's about Phil, innit?"

"Not just him. Everything really," Dan stared off into the distance.

"Girl troubles?"

"Not at all. More of me troubles," Dan glanced at Mr Lester who was nodding.

"I understand, Howell. Let me tell you a story. When I was around your age, I used to go out almost every night. Honestly, I hated every minute of it but I did it for one reason. The endless amount of drugs and alcohol on offer," Dan raised an eyebrow and went to say something but Mr Lester cut him off, "All I wanted was something to numb the pain. The pain of the depression that was brewing. It ruined me up until the point where I overdosed on some medication. Alcohol ruined me, Daniel."

"Why are you telling me this?" Dan asked and awaited a reply.

"Because I know what's been going on. Phil had sounded upset recently with your behavior on the phone, but when I got here I found his journal. I read it an he had mentioned everything you've done lately. I found the stem for his anorexia too. He was doing it because he thought he wasn't good enough for you."

. . .

For some strange reason, Mr Lester followed Dan as he left the apartment. He felt obliged to in a way.

"Daniel where are you going?"

"To see Phil," He screamed back as he ran down the stairs. Mr Lester was getting far too old to run down the stairs and instead took the elevator. He hoped the elevator would be faster than Dan and he could possibly stop him in his tracks. As the elevator hit the bottom and the door opened, Mr Lester walked out but there was no sign of Dan, so he had either ran off already or was about to come down. Mr Lester waited for Dan to come down, but he never did.

. . .

Dan watched the world move fast as the taxi he was in sped down the street. He knew hospital visiting hours finished hours ago, but he just had to see Phil. The taxi stopped, allowing Dan to get out. He paid the fare and headed towards the entrance of the hospital. Within a few minutes he had reached Phil's room. Phil wasn't asleep, so Dan entered.

"Hey Phil," Dan said smiling.

"You do realise visiting hours are over?"

"Of course I do. I just had to see you."

"Ooh, romantic Daniel," Phil replied sacastically. Dan rolled his eyes.

"Did I tell you I accepted that place at the eating disorder clinic?" Phil asked and Dan's smile dropped.

"What?"

"You know the one that is a-"

"I know what you meant, Phil. Why did you accept it?" Dan retorted.

"Because it would help me get better."

Dan crossed his arms and looked away.

"Dan don't be li-"

"I can be like this if I fucking want. Don't leave me Phil."

"I'm not leaving you, Danosaur."

"You are," Dan cried. He turned towards the door and walked out.

. . .

Dan didn't bother hailing a cab. He wasn't going home. Instead he walked until he reached a pub and entered inside. Dan took a seat at the bar and just ordered a beer. He gulped it up in a few goes and ordered another one. After three beers, Dan decided to leave because the mood inside was too happy for him. Dan headed back home, which took forever by foot. He unlocked the door and shut it quietly, making sure no one was awoken then locked it. The first thing Dan did was head to the bathroom medicine cabinet and took out some sleeping pills from awhile ago. He unscrewed the cap and poured some pills into his hand. Dan counted them slowly, counting fourteen pills. If he had them, once he fell asleep, he wouldn't wake up.


	6. I am a million pieces of the sky

**A/N: So sorry this is so short and so badly written. Anyway I wanted to post something so I just did what I've already done. Okay I'm rambling. Enjoy.**

. . .

Phil watched as nurses and surgeons wheeled a body on a gurney throughout the hospital. From his bed, he saw the ambulance pull up and rush to get the body inside. Phil wasn't able to see who the person on the gurney was, being so far up. Little did he know, the boy being wheeled around was his best friend Dan.

. . .

It was almost five am when Phil's parents woke him up. He didn't comprehend why they were there, but it seemed urgent. Before they even said anything he knew that something had happened to Dan. Phil's father stayed silent and let his wife do the talking. Just hours ago, he was giving Dan advice and only shortly after that he was finding Dan lifeless on the bathroom floor. Mrs Lester told Phil everything she knew, making Phil become an emotional wreak. Just as he was getting better, Dan decides to go kill himself. He didn't say anything to his parents, instead he just sat there silently sobbing. Dan's attempt to take his own life didn't work though. He was just rooms down the hall in a drug-induced coma. Dan was always the one to support Phil when he was feeling down, but this time Phil had no-one. His best friend was down the hall, unresponsive and still and Phil needed someone to lean on.

. . .

Doctors told Phil that Dan would soon wake from his comatose state. Phil had moved rooms, so he could share with Dan. The doctors weren't particularly thrilled with Phil's idea, but they soon accepted knowing how fragile Phil was at the moment. It was like one small knock would shatter him into millions of tiny pieces. Phil sat by Dan's bedside in anticipation of more days of cat whiskers, Sonic and Muse. Phil didn't know whether to be angry that Dan tried to end his life or be happy he'll live.

Days ago, Phil almost died and Dan attempted to take care of him, but instead the tables had now turned. Alongside Phil was Chris and PJ, who were both there to keep Phil sane. Both of them were skeptical of Phil's new theory that Dan just had one too many sleeping tablets and that this was all an accident. Even Phil was aware of how stupid his idea was and deep down knowing that one of the causes for Dan's suicide attempt was himself. Phil knew he must of put a lot of stress on Dan when his unexpected anorexia incident happened. Phil was still feeling overly bitter about himself and everything that had happened. It was all so sudden and he had no time to let it sink in. All he knew was that his best friends tried to take his own life because of him.


	7. I'm so sincere

Dan's eyes adjusted to their newfound light. A thin boy with black hair leant over his body, "Dan!"

"Hey Phil," he said groggily. Dan rubbed his eyes and sat up. Phil was no longer in a hospital gown like the last time he was him. Instead he was in a Mario shirt and skinny jeans. Phil must of gotten discharged while he was unconscious. Dan smiled weakly at Phil, who was drinking Fanta. He had guessed that Phil was unaware of why he was here. Dan didn't remember much of the other night except the pills. He had counted exactly fourteen and swallowed them. Dan assumed that he was found by one of Phil's parents, who now probably thought he was a bad influence on their son.

"I should go tell your doctor you're conscious," Phil smiled towards Dan, which suddenly made him hate himself. Phil was so happy Dan was alive, but Dan wasn't.

. . .

Phil say by Dan's as doctor discussed their plans for him. It was pretty much what Phil had guessed, therapy, medication and the possibilities of Dan having to attend a support group. After the doctors explained to Dan what would happen, they left leaving the two boys alone.

"So when are you leaving for your clinic thing?" Dan asked, slightly pained.

"I was meant to leave tomorrow, but I've postponed it for two weeks, so I could help you recover."

"You won't recover if you're busy helping me recover, Phil," Dan said, raising a reasonable point.

"The doctors have said I'm recovering super quick," Phil chirped with a sense of pride in his voice.

Phil was happy with his super quick progress, with the help of Rhiannon, the girl from Dan's past. Phil wasn't sure how they knew each other, but unlike Dan he had no reason to dislike her. She seemed genuine enough towards Phil and she was helping him, so Phil ignored whatever grudges they had against each other.

"I know you're recovering, I just want you to stay healthy," Dan faked a small smile.

"I promise I will. Just for you. As long as you do too."

"Just for you I will."

. . .

Phil watched as the lady he assumed was Dan's mother yell as his best friend. He had never seen Dan this angry before. If Phil wasn't in a public place, he probably would of slapped her by now, as much as he didn't condone violence towards women. She was just being so bitter towards Dan and it was making him upset. Phil was sure his Dad must of contacted his parents, which made him feel partially responsible.

"You're not invincible, Daniel. You could of died," She spat in Dan's face. Phil stood at the doorway, even after strict instruction from Dan to leave.

"Of course I knew that. That's why I committed suicide in the first place, to be dead," Phil winced at his words. It hurt to know what Dan wanted to do to himself.

"If you hadn't of left ho-"

"I fucking left home because of you and him. That's the only reason I went to uni. To please you," Dan retorted, "But obviously nothing I do would ever be enough."

"Daniel..." Dan's mother's voice was the kind of sickly-sweet that made you want to vomit.

"Can you just leave. I don't want you here, ever," he said coldly and gestured towards the door, "There's the door. Use it."

. . .

_So will you lay me down tonight_

_And we'll be better off today_

_And I would die if you never got to know_

_But would it do more harm this way?_


	8. Update Thingy

Sorry I haven't updates in forever, but this is kind of an explanation why, so here me out.

Firstly, the main reason I haven't update is because I've been busy with exams/assignments, which have taken up 99% of my time recently.

Secondly, I'm kind of re-writing this story. I really hate how this came out and I have an ending planned for this and I have tried to write the next chapter a billion times, but it wasn't working well. During the time I was writing this story I was also working on something else (which will be uploaded soon) which is basically Skins but in written form and with Youtubers. I have kind of incoperated this story into that plot (but with Dan & Phil as teenagers plus a lot more Phan action) so I though I might ditch this story becauwe it just wasn't working.

So this new story mentioned above for anyone that'sinterested is called Never Come Undone and I'm planning for it to be uploade before the new year. And along with Dan & Phil it's going to include Christian Novelli (TouchTheSkyFilms), PJ Ligouri (KickThePJ) & DesAndNate as the main characters and I'm also planning on having CharlieSkies & DeeFizzy to be incorperated in it somehow.

Okay & as for The Phan Hunger Games that shall be updated sometime soon (I just want to re-read the Hunger Games so it's somewhat accurate).

Okay, bye for now (:


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